Dear me

Dear me

i used to beat you up

because i believed 

that if i was the meanest i could be 

to me

no one else could hurt me

I called that strength

but really it was fear

i couldn't stop hearing

the words my bullies used to call me

I couldn't stop hearing them 

because i believed them

and so i took on that role

the biggest bully i could be

but to myself

I didn't realize i hold the key to that level of cruelty

the way i speak to myself

grows like a weed or rose

from the soil

made of how i feel about myself

When i looked in the mirror

i used to wince

but now

i wink

I would tell myself 

i love myself so much

that i didn't need to eat that meal

it's called "discipline"

Another word for looking in the mirror

and seeing a girl

that was never thin

enough

that didn't diserve dessert

insert inspirational phrase about discipline

and bullshit ways to sculpt a body

that's been sculpted enough

Dear me,

you are enough

you have always been enough

Dear everyone,

when you speak to youself

do you talk to youself?

like you ar friend or a bully

Because when you speak to yourself as a bully 

you are teaching youself to accept cruelty

that cruelty is good and safe

you are teaching youself 

that your safe place is one of pain

Be gentle with your heart

be gentle with your body

nothing in life is guaranteed

except the guarantee

that the longest relationship you will ever have

is with youself

love, Aija Mayrock